Dating when you live and work on the land

Farming and grazing don't fit neatly around dating. You can't take a weekend off when the header's running or the cows are calving. Town might be forty minutes of dirt road away. Half the district knows your family, and some of them knew your grandparents.

None of that makes you a bad catch. It does mean you need to be clear about your life up front, so the people who fit it can find you and the ones who don't can move on early.

The season runs your diary, so say so

Townies plan around weekends. You plan around sowing, harvest, shearing, lambing or calving, and whatever the weather decides. That's not a flaw to hide; it's information a new partner needs.

Be specific about your busy times. For example:

"We run cattle and grow some winter crop. From about October to Christmas I'm flat out with harvest, and I'll be slow to reply. The rest of the year I'm much easier to catch."

It can help to sketch your year for someone new. Here's an example layout to fill in with your own months and jobs:

Then actually plan around it. If you meet someone in a quiet stretch, tell them early what the next busy season will look like, so a month of short messages doesn't come as a surprise.

Writing a profile that makes sense to people off the land

Not everyone knows what a grazier does, or why you can't just get someone in to feed the dogs. A good profile explains your life without a glossary.

• Say what you do in plain words. "I run sheep on a family property west of town" tells people more than a job title.
• Include a photo or two from work, and at least one where you've scrubbed up. People want to see both.
• Be honest about distance. If you're an hour from the nearest café, say so. It filters out people who want to catch up on a Tuesday night.
• Mention what you do off the farm. The footy, the show committee, fishing, the rural fire brigade. It shows there's room in your life.

Keep identifying details out of your photos: the property sign at the front gate, a ute numberplate, or a landmark that tells half the district exactly where you live. Our guide to keeping your dating life private in a small town has more on this.

Where people on the land meet each other

The traditional ways still work: the local show, sport, a mate's wedding, a district ball or a field day. If you're not getting to those because work has crowded everything out, getting back to even one regular thing can matter more than any dating site. Meeting active singles through clubs and outdoor groups has ideas, including volunteering.

A dating site helps with the part those events can't fix: the pool. When everyone single in the district went to school with you, it widens your reach to the next shire and the regional centre. Our guide to dating in a small town covers making the map bigger without spending your life in the car.

Meet in town first

Don't invite someone you've just met out to the property, and don't go to theirs. A farm is isolated, often out of mobile range, and it's your home. Meet in town for the first few dates, somewhere public, and drive yourself.

Once you know each other, showing someone the place is a good next step. It answers a lot of questions about what life with you would be like. When that day comes:

1. Let them drive themselves, with clear directions and the gate combination if there is one.
2. Tell them where phone coverage drops out.
3. Keep the first visit to daylight hours.
4. Go easy on the tour: they don't need to see every paddock on day one.

Dating someone who doesn't live on the land

If your date has never lived rural, they're probably imagining one of two things: a romantic country escape, or a life of isolation. The truth is somewhere in the middle, and it helps to talk about it honestly.

Things worth discussing once it's getting serious:

• Where you'd live. Is the farm the only option, or could you live in town and drive out?
• Their work. Can they do their job from the district, or would they be giving it up?
• Money. Farm income can swing a long way between good years and bad ones, and a lot of it is tied up in land and equipment.
• The isolation. Long days, early starts and a long drive to friends and family.

Our guides to moving town for a relationship and dating after a tree change or sea change cover the other side of this decision.

When it's a family operation

On many properties, the business is a family business. Parents, siblings and sometimes in-laws all have a stake. A new partner will eventually meet all of them, probably at once, probably at a Sunday lunch.

Give a new partner a heads-up about the family dynamics before that lunch. And keep some of the relationship between the two of you. Not every development needs to be discussed over the cattle yards.

The money conversation nobody wants to have

When a property has been in the family for generations, a new relationship raises a question people often avoid: what happens to the land if it doesn't work out? It's better asked early and calmly than late and in a lawyer's office.

Two facts are worth knowing, though they're no substitute for advice:

• Financial agreements. Under the Family Law Act 1975, married and de facto couples can make a legally binding financial agreement (often called a prenup) about their property. It can be made before, during or after a relationship, and each person's lawyer must sign a statement that they gave independent legal advice.
• De facto relationships count. You don't have to marry for property to be in play. In general, a court can deal with property for de facto couples who were together for at least two years or have a child together, among other tests, and an application usually has to be made within two years of separating. Western Australia handles de facto property under its own law.

Raise it as a conversation about protecting both of you and the family business, not as a test of trust. Then each see your own lawyer.

When a tough season makes everything harder

Dry years, floods and bad prices are hard on anyone, and harder when you're on your own. If things are getting on top of you, Lifeline is on 13 11 14 and Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36. 13YARN, for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people, is on 13 92 76. If money is the worry, the National Debt Helpline (1800 007 007) offers free financial counselling.

A hard season is also when romance scammers find people at their most open to a kind voice. Anyone you've met online who needs money, for any reason, is the moment to stop and read our romance scams guide.

Getting started

Oasis Singles is for regional Australians, including people who live and work on the land. Joining, setting up a profile and browsing are free, so you can see who's within a reasonable drive before deciding whether to pay for messaging. How it works has the details, and our safety page covers first meetings.