Beach and surf dates when only one of you surfs

The beach is about as good as first-date settings get in Australia. It's free, it's public, there's room to walk and talk, and fish and chips are never far away. The complication comes when one of you surfs and the other doesn't, and the surfer imagines a perfect morning in the water together.

Here's how to make the beach work for both of you, and the basics that keep a beach date a good memory.

If one of you surfs and the other doesn't

The short answer: don't teach your date to surf. Even good surfers are usually poor teachers, and a first date spent being dumped in the shore break while you catch waves out the back is not a recipe for a second one. It also puts a beginner in the water in conditions they can't read, relying on someone they've just met.

Better options:

• Book a lesson together. A surf school lesson puts you both on soft boards in a supervised area. If you already surf, it's a chance to be patient and good-humoured; if you don't, there's no pressure to impress.
• Surf first, meet after. The surfer goes out at dawn, the other has a sleep-in, and you meet for breakfast at the beach. You get to talk about something you care about without making it their problem.
• Watch, briefly. Sitting on the beach watching someone surf is fun for about twenty minutes. Keep it short, and then do something together.

Booking a surf lesson together

A lesson is the fairest way to share the surf on an early date: you're both following someone else's instructions, so nobody is the expert. Before you book, it's worth asking the surf school:

1. Is the lesson suitable for complete beginners, and is it a group or private lesson?
2. Are a board and wetsuit included?
3. Which beach do you use, and what happens if conditions are too big or too flat?
4. How long is the lesson, and how much of it is in the water?
5. What's the cancellation policy if the weather turns?

If one of you already surfs, say so when you book. Some schools will suggest a different group, which defeats the purpose; the point is doing it together.

Beach date ideas that work for everyone

Reading the beach before anyone swims

The safest place to swim is a patrolled beach, between the red and yellow flags. The flags mark the area that lifesavers or lifeguards are watching, so if you're going in, that's where. Patrols don't run every day of the year or at every beach, so check before you assume.

A rip current is a strong flow of water running out from the beach. Surf Life Saving Australia says to look for:

• deeper or darker water
• fewer breaking waves
• sandy-coloured water stretching beyond the surf zone
• debris or seaweed moving out to sea

If one of you is caught in a rip, the advice is to stay calm and conserve energy, raise an arm and call out, and float with the current, which may take you back to a shallow sandbank. If you can, swim parallel to the beach or towards the breaking waves. Never try to swim straight against it.

If your date gets into trouble, alert the lifesavers or lifeguards and call 000. Tourism Australia's water safety advice is clear: never try to rescue anyone yourself.

Sun, heat and the other basics

• Sun. Cancer Council advises sun protection whenever the UV Index is 3 or above: covering clothing, SPF 50+ broad-spectrum water-resistant sunscreen, a broad-brimmed hat, shade and sunglasses. A sunburnt date is a short date.
• Drinking. Don't swim after drinking. Save the beer for the pub afterwards.
• Your belongings. Don't leave keys and phones on the sand while you're both in the water.
• Conditions. If the surf is big or there's a strong wind, walk instead of swimming.

First-date logistics

• Meet at the beach, in your own car. Same rule as any first date: your car is your exit.
• Pick a meeting point like the surf club, a kiosk or a carpark everyone knows.
• Tell a friend where you're going and when you expect to be back.
• Bring a towel and a change of clothes if there's any chance you'll go in.

Our safety page has more on first meetings.

When the beach is home turf for one of you

If you've grown up surfing the local break, your date might be nervous about stepping onto your patch. Show them your beach rather than testing them on it. Point out the good café, tell them which end gets the morning sun, and take them somewhere you'd take a visiting friend.

Go easy on the local lingo and the surf-club gossip, too. Being the person everyone waves to is charming for about five minutes.

And remember the small-town rule applies to small beaches: the regulars will notice you've brought someone. If you'd rather keep it quiet for now, pick a beach a little further along the coast. Our guide to dating in a small town has more on keeping early dates out of the local news.

Beach dates out of season

The beach doesn't stop being a good date when the water gets cold. A windy headland walk, watching a big swell from the lookout, or coffee with the surf in front of you all work in winter. Quiet beaches also mean fewer people you know.

More ideas

For walks inland, see planning a bushwalk first date safely. For a full list sorted by effort, try our active date ideas. And if you'd like to meet people at the beach in the first place, meeting active singles through clubs and outdoor groups covers surf clubs and ocean swim groups. If you've just moved to the coast, dating after a tree change or sea change is written for you.

Oasis Singles is for regional and coastal Australians who'd rather be outside. Joining and browsing are free; how it works explains the rest.